Wassup, Da Wave interruptin’ dis NewsNet broadcast ta bring ya da troof. Open yer peepers, peoples, and see da light!
You’ve just heard dat pretty lil Keeb Keeley Kay tell ya dere was a dustdown out in Da Verge a few hours ago dat left a bright spot on Knight Errant’s radar. But what she didn’t tell ya is who was rilly involved.
AIn’t nobody wants ta listen, ‘cos it ain’t real pretty on da ears. But I ain’t here ta make nice. I’m here ta spill da troof out on ya. Those explosions were clearly fireballs thrown by a ranking wageslave mage. As I pull da video feed from a classified satellite here to show ya, I’m bettin’ dese blackies are Azzies. Check out da blades on dat guy! Serious cyber…
[Static-riddled and grainy video feed shows a Native American with a tomahawk and knife in hands, moving toward a muscular Dwarf with a handlebar moustache. Around a corner, quickly moving behind the Native American, a black-clad man, apparently of Aztlan descent, pops out some spurs and jabs the Native American through the tomahawk-wielding forearm. The Azzie’s other hand moves to the Native American’s ribcage, and a spray of blood flies out from the opposite side of the the Native American’s body.]
Looks like somebody wants somethin’ rilly bad, ta send out a hardcore kick-squad like dat. I feel sorry for dose poor squishies in da middle here. On da other hand, yer rockin’ a sweet ’stache, brothah halfer!
[The video feed cuts to an image of a briefcase bouncing through the air towards a burned-out building]
And hats off ta da invisi-mage lopin’ about here! Wonder what was in dat case? Word has it dat several “interested parties” are combin’ da streets, lookin’ ta buy some rogue tech from a mega south o’ da UCAS border. And a buncha bike-ridin’ halfers from Route 202 have been heard makin’ inquiries about where dose dealers are wantin’ ta meet.
Word is da streets will be painted in blood before dis thing is through. Keep yer heads up, yer ears perked, and yer eyes open, people. Da streets o’ Redmond are alive wit da sound o’ gunfire. Don’t get caught in da crossfire on dis one.
Now back ta da Keeb. an’ dose high an’ tight titties!
[The video broadcast fades back to a red-faced Elf woman with pale hair standing on a run-down street corner, pulling her jacket tight around her torso]
“This is Keeley Kay live from Touristville, signing off.”